Yesterdays and Tomorrows
I was reading one of the blogs I like to check out periodically today, and something kind of hit me. Something that I used to think about all the time, but haven't really thought about in a while. She (the author) was talking about how a dream is sometimes a wonderful thing that can take you back to times in your life that you have no other way of remembering. It wasn't the dream thing that got me, is was what she something along the lines of "if I could just go back to High School". My first few years of college I thought about this all the time. Not that it's that big of a deal, but several of us really ran the High School we went to. We could get away with just about anything, and usually did. Well, when I used to get down in the dumps, probably my first 3 years of college, I would think about being back in High School. I basically went from being a big fish in a small pond, to a tiny fish in the Pacific.
These days though, when I'm down in the dumps, I don't think about High School at all. Instead, I think about the future, and what it holds for me. I think sometimes I just depress myself even more, but a lot of the times I look at the future with great anticipation and curiosity. These past few weeks have found me pretty deep in the dumps. It sucks that so much in our lives depends on money. I'm extremely broke, it's about time to have to start pawning my stuff off. (I don't really have anything to pawn off.) Anyway, I just hate this feeling. It's depressing, being handcuffed to idle time and wanting to do so much else. It's my own fault for not being better at saving money, but I really haven't had all that much to save. I put myself through school this past semester, and if it wasn't for the roommates that let me live with them for free, I would be even further in the hole.
I've felt down the last week or so, like I said earlier, but a conversation I had today with the patriarch of the camp family really depressed me even more. He asked me how long I was planning on staying there, and I told him that I hopefully would be able to move off somewhere after this summer. Which is true, and I intend on doing so. He's lived an amazing life and seen a lot of things that I hope to see in my lifetime. He's also worked extremely hard to be where he is at the present. When I told him about my wanting to get out of the area, and out on my own, he agreed that it is something everyone probably needs to do. He related my position where I am now, to his oldest son and how he had to get out of the area when he was younger. He of course eventually came back and has gone on to do great things here. The depressing part of the whole conversation though, was the thought that what I plan on doing might not be the thing that ultimately appeases me. I don't think he was trying to prove that point, but it's kind of what I took out of it.
It's funny how when your spirits are down, how it makes you look at everything else in a negative light. I know exactly what I'm doing, I'm feeling sorry for myself. There's really no other way of saying it, I realize that though. There are billions of people in the world who have it way worse off that I do, so I shouldn't feel the way I do, but it's hard not to. Every time in the past when I've felt this way, it goes away in a week or two, or maybe as long as a month. Which I'm sure that this will eventually go away, but it's nice to be able to come on here and express the way I feel. A month from now, I can come back on here and read what I wrote today, and feel like a jack ass, but I guess that's the point of having a blog, writing what's on your mind at the current time.
The uncharted future is something I think about everyday. If my spirits are down, or up, I think about it. I hate being in the depressed mood I am, because anyone who knows me, knows that it's not my style. I tend to talk too much. I tend to be loud. Most of all though, I'm a happy person. This melancholy mood that I'm in now isn't me.
So for the few of you'ze folks who read this, don't fret for me, I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm the same ole' Sancho. I just need to vent here and there.
Have a good one....
These days though, when I'm down in the dumps, I don't think about High School at all. Instead, I think about the future, and what it holds for me. I think sometimes I just depress myself even more, but a lot of the times I look at the future with great anticipation and curiosity. These past few weeks have found me pretty deep in the dumps. It sucks that so much in our lives depends on money. I'm extremely broke, it's about time to have to start pawning my stuff off. (I don't really have anything to pawn off.) Anyway, I just hate this feeling. It's depressing, being handcuffed to idle time and wanting to do so much else. It's my own fault for not being better at saving money, but I really haven't had all that much to save. I put myself through school this past semester, and if it wasn't for the roommates that let me live with them for free, I would be even further in the hole.
I've felt down the last week or so, like I said earlier, but a conversation I had today with the patriarch of the camp family really depressed me even more. He asked me how long I was planning on staying there, and I told him that I hopefully would be able to move off somewhere after this summer. Which is true, and I intend on doing so. He's lived an amazing life and seen a lot of things that I hope to see in my lifetime. He's also worked extremely hard to be where he is at the present. When I told him about my wanting to get out of the area, and out on my own, he agreed that it is something everyone probably needs to do. He related my position where I am now, to his oldest son and how he had to get out of the area when he was younger. He of course eventually came back and has gone on to do great things here. The depressing part of the whole conversation though, was the thought that what I plan on doing might not be the thing that ultimately appeases me. I don't think he was trying to prove that point, but it's kind of what I took out of it.
It's funny how when your spirits are down, how it makes you look at everything else in a negative light. I know exactly what I'm doing, I'm feeling sorry for myself. There's really no other way of saying it, I realize that though. There are billions of people in the world who have it way worse off that I do, so I shouldn't feel the way I do, but it's hard not to. Every time in the past when I've felt this way, it goes away in a week or two, or maybe as long as a month. Which I'm sure that this will eventually go away, but it's nice to be able to come on here and express the way I feel. A month from now, I can come back on here and read what I wrote today, and feel like a jack ass, but I guess that's the point of having a blog, writing what's on your mind at the current time.
The uncharted future is something I think about everyday. If my spirits are down, or up, I think about it. I hate being in the depressed mood I am, because anyone who knows me, knows that it's not my style. I tend to talk too much. I tend to be loud. Most of all though, I'm a happy person. This melancholy mood that I'm in now isn't me.
So for the few of you'ze folks who read this, don't fret for me, I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm the same ole' Sancho. I just need to vent here and there.
Have a good one....
posted by Sancho at 4:56 PM
2 Comments:
The author of that blog... don't be down. We are all broke! Although high school was a fun time.. and we did run things, the future IS much more exciting, because I don't know what is going to happen. Just think today you might be broke but in 5 years maybe you have found your true calling. P.S. If you like working at camps check your e-mail for some more thoughts.
Sanch-Don't be down. We all are trying to make ends meet and are in the same position as you. The future is bright for you. Keep your head up! SMILE! :)-Whit
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