Sunday, November 20, 2005

Quarters

In about 30 minutes, I'll be 25. Wow! What else can I say. There aren't really any other words to describe the big 25. From 22-24, birthdays came and went, no real wonderful feelings, but no bad feelings either. 25 though, it's kind of a flood of emotions. Not the "I wanna' cry emotion", but more like 25, I can't consider myself a kid anymore. Also at the same time, 25, what the heck have I accomplished at this point in my life.

I guess it's a bit of a give and take struggle there. Every kid always wants to grow older fast, be more respected, or plain enough, just grow up. Now that I'm at this spot though, I'm pretty sure I don't want to be old. I'm ready for it and all, but I'm to the point where my mistakes can't be pushed off as immaturity. That's a scary concept. The descriptions will no longer be, "crazy kid", they'll be what the "HELL are you thinking?". I guess I could cast all the societal expectations aside and remain the kid I am at heart, but then again, who really does that?

Then the other part, what have I accomplished at this point in my life? I can look back at the last 25 years, or the bits and pieces I remember, and come up with 3 or 4 things that I feel are great accomplishments. Does that mean that the next few years will be a plethora of amazing feats completed by me? No, probably not, but let's hope that I am able to get thing done.

The things I feel I have accomplished at this point are the same that most others have. I feel that most importantly, I've been a great son. Some may look at this as a "well duh" kind of statement, but look out there at all the people in the world who've messed their lives completely up by the time they are 25. Look at the ones who've been caught up in so many bad things that they've been completely disowned by their kin. I would have to say that to my Dad, the most disappointing thing I've ever done is getting caught up in a stupid prank war at an out of town basketball game. It's not like I've ever been convicted of a felony, or for that even a misdemeanors. I could go on for hours here, about how great I am, but I'm tired, so I'll leave this one here.

Another accomplishment that I have at this point in my life is that I'm a good friend. There are a lot of people that I've lost touch with over the years, but I think things work that way for everyone. There are a few friends that I have that I've been friends with forever, and there are those friends I haven't known as long. To this crew of friends that I consider my own, I think I've been a good friend to them, and they to me. It's inevitable that friends get on each other's nerves at times, so even though this can happen, we're still all good friends. To have the friends I do, I feel is a great accomplishment, and behind being a good son, it's the most important thing I've done at this point in my life.

I don't know if anyone noticed or not, but neither one of those accomplishments sounded anything like, well I made my first million, or I have this wonderful job, or this wonderful wife, or 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. I hope that those are things are around the corner and over the hill. I've got some friends that can say those things, I am behind the times I guess. It doesn't bother me all that much though. I can sit and dwell on those things, I can be sad, feel sorry for myself, but I won't. The reason I can't say those things can be attributed to one person, Me. Sure most of my friends graduated college and are on their way to great things, and I'm 20 minutes away from 25, and am finishing up my 15th year of college. Everyone is different though. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, and in 2 weeks I'll be to the point where it's put up or shut up.

Instead of living life in the planned out, this is what is expected of you, cookie cutter style, I'm going to have to actually put myself out there a bit away from the norm. If I want the next 25 (hopefully 2 or 3 though) years to be more productive than the last 25, I'll have to tear myself away from this comfort zone that's known as my life, and actually do something. Anyone ever heard the term "nut up or shut up"? It's like the other one I said earlier, but geared towards the XY population. Well that's what I see on the horizon. It scares the crap out of me, but it's part of the progression we know as life.

So while to this point maybe I'm not as far along as I should be, I can say that I'm happy with myself in these past 25 years. I've got unbelievable friends and family, and a passion to live life to the fullest, what can go wrong when those things are going my way. I'll have to prepare myself not to feel hurt if rejected, but that's part of life, you gotta' go with the flow. Let's hope the flow comes my way. (Cash flow my way would be great).

So now it's 12:00, I'm 25. Welcome to the rest of your life Sancho....

3 Comments:

Blogger TracyDiane said...

oh my gosh...you are really like the most uplifting influence i have in my life, and i am not tryin to be flattering, patronizing or even polite. reading that---seein that sort of blatent honesty, such pure expression of mind---wow-you are by far the most humble, yet incredible, yeah. wow. i dont know how to explain this--its just reading that made me really feel a bit teary eyed...might be the sappy chic musica i am listening to on my bad arse computer soundcard, but even still--the friend thing- sometimes i wonder...will i be able to say that? i honestly can look at your life, you-sancho, and think, oh my goodness...i dont think anyone feels much towards that kid than utter respect, love, and trust. well thank you sancho-i dont want to be love but tonight i think i have learned something--i am havin an awful time in school--i love teaching, SOOO MUCH, and i love interacting in my classes, but as far as the work goes, i dont feel like i am really learning or growin much. however, i am growin up i think in my life--relationships with people and friends-the ones that i loved the most have turned their back and ran, and even then, sometimes come back and i just chose to overlook the pain that i felt from that sort of rejection, you know? well, no, haha, you dont, BUT your accomplishment to this point in life is incredibly perfect-it is the essence of bliss to me...i am smiling just thinking about you and how wonderful you must feel today---you are truly blessed and dont worry, you are right on, and completely justified and fully aware, intellegent and practical in naming that your one accomplishment above all others...have i mentioned your ability to write down your thoughts is immaculant? i wish you would write books, or a book...i would publish it...you make me almost jealous--i have always felt that i am quite eloquent with words, (cough cough)--not to sound in any way pompous, just thats the thing i get a kick out of...writing. anyway, the honesty in your words is moving and truly flows and has impact. i guess what im gettin at is that your writing is straight from the heart and i feel like i have kinda gotten away from that sometimes--too worried that i express a thought, feeling, or emotion that is over the top happy, sad, or just weird. but its not about worry--its about relief-finally gettin rid of the baggage, clearin your mind and actually makin your thoughts and ideas a reality on paper or "screen"-- im really grateful i know you, have known you, and well, i get to know you for some time to come, i am sure and hopeful for.

i hope you have a good day, and more importantly year. this past year is PAST! remember that--tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes and this goes for every day after and every day after that---its all a matter of perspective in the end. live life, love in life, and love life--you know, you accomplish something so many cannot and that is perfection in the way of loving---keepin people all smiley and junk---its amazin...just think. as little the interaction we have had over the years, you are still in my mind, in memories that i can remember as being quite painful and difficult when they actually occured. then i see you. and i smile--you were not the tragic flaw that broke me, but the gift, you were my touch of grace---thanks!

always-
me

2:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Sancho!

5:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(look sancho, i'm stalking you!)
So, to begin with... I wish you weren't so hard on yourself! You are prolly the most amazing person I've ever met. You have all the qualities and capabilities for success so I KNOW that you're going to find that materialistic "success" that you're looking for. I'm glad that you can look at yourself and see that you have soooo much good in you, and trust me, it extends WAY beyond being a good son, not messing up your life, and being a good friend. You've touched so many people's lives and just not known it. Trust me Sancho, you're the kind of person that you can never forget, and I thank God for that because, well, because you're perfect Sancho, and I wish you'd see that! I'm so excited to see all that you're going to accomplish, and even more excited that it might just be in the DFW area! So- Happy birthday Sancho, and I'm still mad that you're not letting me send you anything :(
--Vienna

2:51 PM  

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